Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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