Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize