I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
In the future we'll all be gay
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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