I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize