nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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