My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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