I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize