Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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