She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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