Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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