I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
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