I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize