do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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