apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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