I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
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bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
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i've created a new STD.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize