thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
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I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
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Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If its not for food we ain't going out.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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