do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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