My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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