OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
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My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
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I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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