Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fling myself into the sun
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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