you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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