you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
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Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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