I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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