you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
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Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The adults are the big ones right?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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