just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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