I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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