I need to stop coming to work sober
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize