If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize