Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize