Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
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I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
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went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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