So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
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The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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