I CAN MOONWALK!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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