While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize