took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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