I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize