Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize