smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize