you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize