he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
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I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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