I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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