TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
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He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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