totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize