he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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