Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Me too!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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