im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
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I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I party with great urgency now.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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