but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
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I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
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we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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