Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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