so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
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Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize