the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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