Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
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He called his prostate his "boner button".
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
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I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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